Social Anxiety Series Part 1: How to Identify Unhealthy Thinking Styles

It is sad that anxiety is keeping you from doing things you would have love to do.

It is common to feel shy and anxious in social situations.  For most people they would overcome these uncomfortable reactions and would proceed to accomplished the task and go through with it. But others cope with it by avoiding the situation which would distract their daily lives and hinder them from doing the things they want to do.

Take note though that social anxiety is not being able to feel all the emotional, mental and physiological discomfort but the number of times you avoid social situations because you don't want to experience the way it makes you feel . You suddenly began to hide from anyone or stay away from situations because  even the thought of it makes you feel anxious, makes your heart beats faster, makes your palms sweaty, your breathing becomes irregular and you become light headed and feel like fainting. These reactions would make it impossible for you to function effectively.

These are the common signs of Social Anxiety 

• Palpitations - your heart beats so fast in social situations or when you are doing an act.
• Shaking and your  breathing  becomes short and you feel like choking.
• You feel the tightness in your chest and it makes you want to vomit.
• Hot flashes and you feel like you are going to faint
• Numbness and your throat and mouth becomes dry
• Blushing and may feel hypersensitive to criticism and what others thinks
• Avoid social contact and reluctant to involve in social situation in fear of doing or saying something wrong.
• Avoid social performance.

There is a general assumption that people and situation cause the way we feel. We have the tendency to think that the way we feel is based on the what people do and what certain situations we are in. But there is what we call a thinking-feeling connection which means that our thoughts actually influenced the way we feel. There are different kinds of automatic thoughts;  Neutral thought “I will make a presentation in the class today.”   Positive thought “I can do it.” And the Negative thought “I am going to fail and everyone will laugh at me.” These negative thoughts will often lead to feelings of anxiety and cause you to suffer emotionally. This is what we also call “unhealthy thinking styles” these thoughts often becomes a default thinking mechanism which makes it impossible for us to process “healthy” thinking. 

Accordingly, our thoughts create different emotions, so it is important to recognize what you are telling yourself or what were you thinking and how it makes you feel before or during an action. 

There are different kinds of unhealthy thinking styles for example:

·         The Mental Filter - this is when you only think of one situation that could happen and ignore any other possible outcome.

·         The Shouding and Musting - These are not always unhealthy thinking. But if you find yourselves making unreasonable efforts to achieve the expectations you make to yourselves and others, this will cause pressure and anxiety.

·         Jumping to Conclusions – this is where we assume or make prediction about the worst that can happen. For example: I am going to fail, people will laugh at me. I am going to say something stupid, people will not talk to me and think I am weird, and a lot more.

·         Overgeneralization - this is when you gather all negative assumptions and apply it to your present and future situations.  For instance, if you tell yourself ‘I will never be good at…, I will always fail, or everyone will think I am not smart enough… 

·         Personalization – this is when you blame yourself every time something bad happens or you think will happen.

·         Labeling – this is when you identify and behave yourself according to the global notion that categorizes or classifies people. For example, when you say ‘I am a shy person, I will never do well in a crowd, I am not a good public speaker or I am always the clumsy one. These types of unhealthy thinking will somehow create a self-fulfilling prophecy which often leads to anxiety and stop you from making progress.

·         Catastrophizing – this is where the “blow out of proportion” phrase comes in. It is when you think that something bad, awful or embarrassing will happen before the action actually happens. This will lead to fear and anxiety and will often lead to avoidance.

·         Emotional Reasoning – this is when your perception of the situation is based on how you feel towards it. For instance, when the only proof something bad is going to happen is because you feel bad about it or when you make a conclusion that it is true base on your emotions and feelings. For example, when you tell yourself  I feel like I am going to make a mistake , I feel that my skills are not good enough…etc.

·         Black and White Thinking – This is when you think that you can either passed or fail. And there is nothing else you can do about it.

·         Magnification and Minimization – This is when you compare you performance based on the thought that others are great and your performance doesn’t matter. You have the tendency to magnify the accomplishments of other people and then you think less of yourself.

So, how do we identify "unhealthy" thinking styles and what can we do about it.

#1 Identify your feelings - Do you feel tense, anxious, panicky, uneasy, nervous, scared, exited, calm, euphoric? and the list goes on. In this case, common feelings associated with social anxiety are only mentioned.

#2 Identify your automatic thoughts – it is common for people to have "unhealthy" thinking style and a lot of them have overcome it by adapting positive coping skills. These are examples of unhealthy thoughts  "I am going to fail", "people are going to think I am stupid", "I will look foolish" , "I have always failed, so why is this different"  and so on.

#3 Remember thoughts are not feelings – you may say “I feel nervous” when you are actually thinking 'people will laugh at me if you make a mistake.' Also, you are probably thinking that people are expecting you to perform well therefore, you feel anxious or tense. Often times it is difficult to determine feeling from thinking. The key is to identify what you tell yourself and how you feel about it.

#4 Identify feelings from thoughts – doing an exercise on making a connection between your thoughts and feeling can be helpful. You can write a journal about different situations where you usually feel tense or anxious, what are the statements (unhealthy thinking) you often tell yourself and then determine how it makes you feel.   For example, you are going to make a class presentation (situation). Then you tell yourself, “My teacher is very strict, I am going to make mistakes and fail (unhealthy thinking) you feel anxious, nervous and scared (feelings) then your heart started to beat fast, you start to sweat and feel like you are going to faint (physiological reaction).

#5 Create alternative thoughts – once you identify the cycle, go back to what you tell yourself/ unhealthy thinking and replace it with positive alternative thoughts.

For example you can tell yourself…

• This is my first time, when I am done, I would be happy I did what I can.
• I feel anxious but I will focus on my performance, the feelings I have now will be gone once I am done.
• I will do what I have to do and whatever that result is, there is always something I can do about it if not, I can let go and move on.
• What I feel right now is part of the process, once I get used to it, the feelings will slowly go away.
• I am focus on what I can do at the moment.

So those are the tips you can do on your way to overcome social anxiety. Please stay tune for more coping strategies and techniques. If you have any questions or suggestions please feel free to leave a comment or send me a message.

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How To Overcome Test Anxiety

Settling in for the new school year can be challenging. Aside from adjusting to new professors and thinking about how to even pass every requirement, taking the test can be one of the difficult task one has to complete. Test Anxiety is one of the common issues a student encounters and it is one of the academic dilemma students face every school year.

Most often students complain that they don't have much time, apparently the "too many things to do too little time" is the oratorical statement when it comes to school and time management. However, students can best benefit from time management, study skills and helpful techniques to create a low anxiety stress resistance academic lifestyle.

TIME MANAGEMENT TIPS

1.  Prioritize - Identify your goals and your engagements and rank them base on their importance.
2. Work on a system - Develop a 24 hours time tracking system so you have a full view of what your    daily task will look like.
3. Study Priority List - Create a weekly study priority list base on your test timetable . Mark down chapters that you need to study and set your timing when you are most efficient. Study the topics you find difficult to the ones that you find easier.
4. The "Hit List" - Create a list of daily study task so you can tick it off once you complete them.
5. Divide your task into chunks so you don't get overwhelm and by dividing it into steps you will find it easier to accomplish it.
6. Create a yearly Calendar and note down all the test you need to take and the requirements you need to comply so you have an overall idea of what to accomplished first.
7. Create a Weekly Study log which includes the specific date you need to take the exam or complete a requirement and prioritize them in your study time table. 
8. Time Limit -  set a time limit when you study. That way you don't find yourself lingering around instead of focusing on the task you need to do.
9. Do not procrastinate.

STUDY SKILLS

1. Organize your school materials that way you don't waste your time looking for them when you instead needed to study. Organize school handouts or syllabus in specific folders and tag them, if you must so that it is convenient for you to retrieve it.
2. Set up a study space where you most feel efficient and productive. Stay away from the things that distracts you and take only what you need to help you study. 
3. Put your phone on stealth mode and turn off you social media tabs if you need to.
4. Refresh yourself before you start to study and make sure you hydrate yourself every so often.
5. Use study tools to help you achieve productivity. Use highlighters to emphasize important details and use the dictionary to check the words you are not familiar with.
6. Do not memorize information. Read and understand what it means and how it applies to your daily life, the community, or other people's lives. If you are a visual person, you can draw mind maps or illustrate them in the best way beneficial to you.
7. Use social media to connect with other people and ask them what they think about the topic that you are studying. But make sure you don't linger too much and find yourself doing things not totally related to what you are studying. So again, focus.
8. Highlight the phrases or concepts you don't understand and formulate questions you can ask your teacher to clarify it and get another view point.
9. Ask yourself how relevant is the topic to you and why not.
10. Relax, take a deep breath, take a short walk and begin again.

POSITIVE SELF TALK

Here are example of positive self talk excerpt from Saint Louis University Student Success Center to replace the negative talk you often tell yourself.

• "I failed the course last semester, but I can now use my study/math skills to pass this course."
• "I went blank on the last test, but I now know how to reduce test anxiety."
• "I know that with hard work, I will pass math."
• "I prepared for this test and will do the best I can."
• "I feel good about myself and my abilities. I am not going to worry about that difficult problem. I'm going to use all my test time and check for careless errors. Even if I don't get the grade I want on this test, it is not the end of the world." 

So I hope you find these tips useful. Good luck to a productive school year ahead. For more questions and feedback please comment below or send me a message.

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Me Before You Decoded

Recently, I have come across a debate on the movie that has swept our feet into an ecstasy of love, chemistry and romance in its 21st century plot. And while I too gush over the hormone induced thrill of its twist I noticed that there is something missing, and no I am not talking about the morals of assisted suicide or  the rights to decide when to end life no not even going there not at all. But while the cheerful and bubbly Louisa Clark at the found herself going for her dreams, I mourn for the lost hope. Then I wonder, if only and if only mental health have been given a little role will it end differently?

While I can't speak for everybody, it is but understandable that often times the cheapest end to  life for a person that has become angry, moody, bitter and disabled would seem a better option as opposed to preserving a life which would only cost so much more than living a lifestyle of an average person. But what about the person's rights to a positive, productive and encouraging life? or is it ending life the convenient option?

Stephen Hawking once said, "I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road." the point taken is, there is always something we can do about it. And this doesn't just include people who are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of their lives but for anyone who succumb to a life threatening experience or the trauma of surviving everyday and the important of mental health care. Living a positive and a life full of hope is still an option and We Can Do Something About it.

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