BasicEffective Communication Skills for Counselors

“Fie, fie upon her! There's language in her eye, her cheek, her lip. Nay, her foot speaks; her wanton spirits look out at every joint and motive of her body.”  William Shakespear

 In today's society where everyone want to be heard, we at some point have forgotten how significant it is to listen with the purpose to understand. To pass our message across, we often find ourselves profusely talking, to eagerly share because we have too much information and we wanted to be heard. But as a counselor, a neophyte to the professional like myself, there is that strong need to learn the trade of being an active listener, to seek to understand rather than to be understood. So, by learning to decipher Nonverbal Communication Skills, it will somehow bridge the communication gap which we have often overlooked.

Non Verbal Communication is define as sending messages in various ways without using verbal codes or words. These are unconscious, unintentional or intentional gestures which are displayed as body language. As a beginning counselor, it is therefore very important to distinguish body languages in your clients as well as being aware of the messages that you also convey. Non Verbal Communication can be displayed as: paralanguage (sounds), smell, word choice or syntax, posture, intonation, dress, gesture, proximity, eye contact, vocal nuance, glance, volume, touch.

So what is the role of Nonverbal Communication Skills in the counselling practice? Dr. Maria Bella Bamforth, keynote Lecturer on Effective Communication Skills in Counseling stressed that in a study done on the Effectiveness of Spoken Communication  by Albert Mehrabian (UCLA), the meaning of the language consisted are derived of 7% spoken words, 30% paralinguistic and 55% facial expression and other body language. Julius Fast, author of Body language pointed out that, “We all, in one way or another, send our little messages out to the world... And rarely do we send our messages consciously. We act out our state of being with nonverbal body language. We lift one eyebrow for disbelief. We rub our noses for puzzlement. We clasp our arms to isolate ourselves or to protect ourselves. We shrug our shoulders for indifference, wink one eye for intimacy, tap our fingers for impatience, slap our foreheads for forgetfulness. The gestures are numerous, and while some are deliberate... there are some, such as rubbing our noses for puzzlement or clasping our arms to protect ourselves, that are mostly unconscious.”

One of the key point on good communication skill is active listening. By observing nonverbal communication skills a counselor can assess the reaction of the client to her words or actions. Also on her Lecture, Dr. Maria Bella Bamforth, keynote speaker on Effective Communication Skills, pointed out the importance of active listening. Active listening wherein a person is motivated to listen with intent and purpose. She further discuss that active listening requires that the listener focus on the words and the feeling of the speaker, use feedback to verify understanding and pay attention to the various meaning conveyed in the message. It is also important that the listener talk less, understand and analyze what is being said, must not be preoccupied with her own thoughts, able to control prejudices and keeps pace with the speaker.

Key Communication Skills for Counselor

Develop Rapport - It is very important to develop and build trust in clients so that an effective line of communication will be achieve and that issues will be discuss as soon as possible. 

Ask Appropriate Questions - In your conversation with the client. It is very important to use open-ended questions to encourage a wide range of possible answers. 

Reflect the clients feeling - This is when the counselor reflects back the feelings of the client. It can be attain by validating the clients words. A counselor can ask questions such as, "You feel that you are under valued in your job..." etc. 

Paraphrase Clients Words - Summarize the clients words in a clear and direct form. This is to show that you are keeping pace with your client and you seek affirmation that you have understood the client.

Use "Encouragers" - This is where the counselors uses verbal or nonverbal cues to encourage the client to continue talking. You can repeat keywords, use facial expressions or verbal affirmations.

Clarify Mixed Messages - This is where the counselor re-affirms, restate and paraphrase the client's words to clarify. *Clarifiers are often use to ensure that messages are understood both by the counselor and the clients.

Lead and Focus: In a conversation, it is very easy to get lost in so many topics and issues. The role of the counselor is to focus and direct client to issues which needs to be prioritize and be address as soon as possible.

Summarize - At the end of the session, it is important for the counselor to give a brief summary of what took place in the conversation. Review what the client have said and express in the conversation so that both the client and the counselor can move on.

To add, I as an aspiring counselor also learned the importance of Nonverbal Communications such as: Facial Expressions, Eye Accessing Cues, posture and gestures. The counselor will have more understanding of the message within the conversation through observing nonverbal communication clues. For example, the most "articulate" expression of body language is the eye movement. Accordingly one can tell so much about the person by looking through their eyes, after all, it is the window to the soul. 

Giving importance to Behavioral Responses is the fundamental factor to an effective communication. It is when your thoughts ceases, to welcome the thoughts of others. I once read a quote that says, "just once, when I say oh, I'm fine. I wan't someone to look me in the eye and say, Okay. now tell the truth." Our communication system has somehow overloaded, in fact, there are more ways than one means of communication; even which our text have also been replaced with emoticons which implies varied ways of how one feels. Voltaire once said, "one great use of words is to hide our thoughts.” As an aspiring counselor, I feel that there is so much for me to learn in terms of the technicalities of being an effective listener. But really, the challenge is how do we show our clients that we understand, that we feel that gap in their shoes, to just look them in the eye and tell them, "tell me about it"  without even saying a single world.