Worry: The Vicious Trap and how We can Set ourselves Free

Dale Carnegie once said, “Our fatigue is often caused by worry, frustration and resentment.” Worries come uninvited, nobody enjoys their company in fact in his book The Worry Trick, David Carbonall describes it as party crashers, fanatics on a mission to detract you out of focus and though everybody wants to ignore it,  it presents itself again and again until it gets your undivided attention. There is a Swedish proverb that says, "worry often gives a small thing a big shadow". Indeed worry is the gruesome grip of anticipating a hostile future sending us into the abyss of anxiety and fear. It invades every aspect of our lives and often it robs us from leisure, happiness and kills our peace of mind.

Yes, it is perfectly normal to worry. It is part of our existense in fact it is our basic tool for survival. Moreover,  our brains are wired to stay focused on a problem until we find a solution. That is why we often find ourselves overthinking and obessing over things we couldn't find solution or answers to because that is how our brains are designed to function and obsessing is often how we get ourselves entangled in a fit of panic and hopelessness. 

So how do we get ourselves free from worrying about everything:

1. Aknowledge that you are worried 

It's okay to worry about things. Worrying is part of how we thrive day to day. Besides, worrying often makes us feel accomplished or that overthinking makes us feel productive. Human brains are made to solve problems thus we consistently engage ourselves to finding solution to problems until we find an answer. So yes, it is basically human to worry and by acknowledging that we are worried about something offers us an assurance that somehow there is something we can do about it.

2. Postpone your "Worry Period"

Postponing to worry is not denial rather it is gaining control by taming it. It is choosing to indulge in productive thinking as opposed to unproductive overthinking. Worry Postponement is a method derived from a study by Borkover and Lerman 1980, it is when you acknowledge that you are worried but then choose to delay engaging in your thoughts for later. Set a time when to engage yourself thinking about your worries. You can then spend a significant amount of time engaging in your thoughts and the things that makes you anxious or worried about. This method is one of the best way to gain control over your worries and avoid unproductive thinking thus reduce uncessary anxiety.

3. Brain Dump 

Make a list of things you are worried about. This is where journaling comes to the rescue. Brain dumping is the process of putting your thoughts on paper creating a more concrete representation of your thoughts by literally getting the abstract out of your head and dumping it on your paper. You can then set it aside and deal with it later thus postponing when to engage on it. This way you gain control by choosing when you want to engage on your worries and deal with it on a specific time. You can then focus your attention on your current task and make use of your time productively rather than obsessing on your worries. Worrying is like an itch the more you scratch it the more it becomes itchy. So the more we worry, the more worried we get. So the best solution to avoid constant scratching is to ignore it and by the time you address the itch, you have already stopped yourself from scratching. Write all the things you are worried about and forget about it until later.

4. Set a Time Period

Set a time period when you want to sit and think about the things that is worrying you. Plan in advance a time during the day to focus on your worries. Review the things you wrote in your 'brain dump' list.  This is the time you will address variables, factors and solutions on the things that is making you anxious. It is also important to plan in advance what time of the day you can address or engage in your "worry period". Mental health experts also suggested that it is important to not go over more thant 30 minutes of engaging in your worries otherwise it will send you back to compulsively obessing over your worries. So create a schedule when you can  think and look at what you are worried about or when to review your 'braindump' list.

5. Think Period

This is the time when you focus on your worries and think productively. Mental health experts suggested that the ideal time to engage in your worries is at the end of the day or in the evening just not before going to bed. You can then use a strategy to productively categorize your list. Personally, I use the " 4D" method which is the Do, Delay, Delegate and Delete. 

• Do - these are things that you can address or find solutions to rightaway.
• Delay - these are things you can address later. Not urgent.
• Delegate - these are the things you can ask someone to do or help you with.
• Delete - these are things that are unproductive, unnecessary or that there is nothing you can do about it. These are the things you need to let go of and try the best that you can to forget.

This process will also allow us to identify if the things we are worried about earlier are important or not. Usually, by the time we sit down to think about it, we'v already forgotten the things that are not important or productive so we can then tick it off our list and let it go with all its gruesome glory.

6. Distract yoursellf

After spending a reasonable amount of time, must not be more than 30 minutes, you can then distract yourself away from your worry list to focus on your current task. You can do something productive like task that are easily attained, brings you joy or one that calms you. One of the things that I do before I go to bed to distract myself and practice mindfullness is to write in my journal a gratitude list. This way I remind myself that despite of all the things that I am still worried about, there are also things, great or small that I've accomplished and I'm thankful for.

Indeed, worrying doesn't have to take control over our lives. We can with practicng mindfulness and constant practice, we can create a healthy habit to positively cope with out daily worries and set ourselves free from its vicious grips.

 

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