Social Anxiety Series Part 1: How to Identify Unhealthy Thinking Styles

It is sad that anxiety is keeping you from doing things you would have love to do.

It is common to feel shy and anxious in social situations.  For most people they would overcome these uncomfortable reactions and would proceed to accomplished the task and go through with it. But others cope with it by avoiding the situation which would distract their daily lives and hinder them from doing the things they want to do.

Take note though that social anxiety is not being able to feel all the emotional, mental and physiological discomfort but the number of times you avoid social situations because you don't want to experience the way it makes you feel . You suddenly began to hide from anyone or stay away from situations because  even the thought of it makes you feel anxious, makes your heart beats faster, makes your palms sweaty, your breathing becomes irregular and you become light headed and feel like fainting. These reactions would make it impossible for you to function effectively.

These are the common signs of Social Anxiety 

• Palpitations - your heart beats so fast in social situations or when you are doing an act.
• Shaking and your  breathing  becomes short and you feel like choking.
• You feel the tightness in your chest and it makes you want to vomit.
• Hot flashes and you feel like you are going to faint
• Numbness and your throat and mouth becomes dry
• Blushing and may feel hypersensitive to criticism and what others thinks
• Avoid social contact and reluctant to involve in social situation in fear of doing or saying something wrong.
• Avoid social performance.

There is a general assumption that people and situation cause the way we feel. We have the tendency to think that the way we feel is based on the what people do and what certain situations we are in. But there is what we call a thinking-feeling connection which means that our thoughts actually influenced the way we feel. There are different kinds of automatic thoughts;  Neutral thought “I will make a presentation in the class today.”   Positive thought “I can do it.” And the Negative thought “I am going to fail and everyone will laugh at me.” These negative thoughts will often lead to feelings of anxiety and cause you to suffer emotionally. This is what we also call “unhealthy thinking styles” these thoughts often becomes a default thinking mechanism which makes it impossible for us to process “healthy” thinking. 

Accordingly, our thoughts create different emotions, so it is important to recognize what you are telling yourself or what were you thinking and how it makes you feel before or during an action. 

There are different kinds of unhealthy thinking styles for example:

·         The Mental Filter - this is when you only think of one situation that could happen and ignore any other possible outcome.

·         The Shouding and Musting - These are not always unhealthy thinking. But if you find yourselves making unreasonable efforts to achieve the expectations you make to yourselves and others, this will cause pressure and anxiety.

·         Jumping to Conclusions – this is where we assume or make prediction about the worst that can happen. For example: I am going to fail, people will laugh at me. I am going to say something stupid, people will not talk to me and think I am weird, and a lot more.

·         Overgeneralization - this is when you gather all negative assumptions and apply it to your present and future situations.  For instance, if you tell yourself ‘I will never be good at…, I will always fail, or everyone will think I am not smart enough… 

·         Personalization – this is when you blame yourself every time something bad happens or you think will happen.

·         Labeling – this is when you identify and behave yourself according to the global notion that categorizes or classifies people. For example, when you say ‘I am a shy person, I will never do well in a crowd, I am not a good public speaker or I am always the clumsy one. These types of unhealthy thinking will somehow create a self-fulfilling prophecy which often leads to anxiety and stop you from making progress.

·         Catastrophizing – this is where the “blow out of proportion” phrase comes in. It is when you think that something bad, awful or embarrassing will happen before the action actually happens. This will lead to fear and anxiety and will often lead to avoidance.

·         Emotional Reasoning – this is when your perception of the situation is based on how you feel towards it. For instance, when the only proof something bad is going to happen is because you feel bad about it or when you make a conclusion that it is true base on your emotions and feelings. For example, when you tell yourself  I feel like I am going to make a mistake , I feel that my skills are not good enough…etc.

·         Black and White Thinking – This is when you think that you can either passed or fail. And there is nothing else you can do about it.

·         Magnification and Minimization – This is when you compare you performance based on the thought that others are great and your performance doesn’t matter. You have the tendency to magnify the accomplishments of other people and then you think less of yourself.

So, how do we identify "unhealthy" thinking styles and what can we do about it.

#1 Identify your feelings - Do you feel tense, anxious, panicky, uneasy, nervous, scared, exited, calm, euphoric? and the list goes on. In this case, common feelings associated with social anxiety are only mentioned.

#2 Identify your automatic thoughts – it is common for people to have "unhealthy" thinking style and a lot of them have overcome it by adapting positive coping skills. These are examples of unhealthy thoughts  "I am going to fail", "people are going to think I am stupid", "I will look foolish" , "I have always failed, so why is this different"  and so on.

#3 Remember thoughts are not feelings – you may say “I feel nervous” when you are actually thinking 'people will laugh at me if you make a mistake.' Also, you are probably thinking that people are expecting you to perform well therefore, you feel anxious or tense. Often times it is difficult to determine feeling from thinking. The key is to identify what you tell yourself and how you feel about it.

#4 Identify feelings from thoughts – doing an exercise on making a connection between your thoughts and feeling can be helpful. You can write a journal about different situations where you usually feel tense or anxious, what are the statements (unhealthy thinking) you often tell yourself and then determine how it makes you feel.   For example, you are going to make a class presentation (situation). Then you tell yourself, “My teacher is very strict, I am going to make mistakes and fail (unhealthy thinking) you feel anxious, nervous and scared (feelings) then your heart started to beat fast, you start to sweat and feel like you are going to faint (physiological reaction).

#5 Create alternative thoughts – once you identify the cycle, go back to what you tell yourself/ unhealthy thinking and replace it with positive alternative thoughts.

For example you can tell yourself…

• This is my first time, when I am done, I would be happy I did what I can.
• I feel anxious but I will focus on my performance, the feelings I have now will be gone once I am done.
• I will do what I have to do and whatever that result is, there is always something I can do about it if not, I can let go and move on.
• What I feel right now is part of the process, once I get used to it, the feelings will slowly go away.
• I am focus on what I can do at the moment.

So those are the tips you can do on your way to overcome social anxiety. Please stay tune for more coping strategies and techniques. If you have any questions or suggestions please feel free to leave a comment or send me a message.